There Goes the Ruddy Two-shoes

Credentials and Failures

Posted by ruddytwoshoes on June 18, 2008

Two years ago tomorrow, I stood in front of Perloff Hall in my black regalia, wearing an extraordinarily huge smile that complemented the rhythm of Pomp and Circumstance and the mood it was heavily emitting. My parents, who were full of hope that I would in the few days following start accumulating the amount of money indicative of a college degree from allegedly one of the most respected universities in the world, flew from a little hicktown called Hagerstown, Maryland to witness the greatly important three seconds of my existence where I could be recognized as a kid who had the fabulous opportunity to walk with pretentious gracefulness up to the college professor handing out fake diplomas below the stage so that I could get handed one fake diploma of my own and shake the professor’s hand, then pose for a once-in-a-lifetime kind of photo op before toddling back to my seat which was then baking in the merciless heat.

The entire commencement ceremony was exhilarating, albeit unnecessarily long like all commencement ceremonies are supposed to be, because it induced a fresh, new beginning for my inner adult-wannabe. Real financial responsibility, real full-time work paychecks signed by a corporate giant, real life as I then saw it — I was all ready to promenade into the whole shebang and cease being the daughter whose job it was to unashamedly stack student loans, auto insurance bills, and requests for rent and food and gas money on top of her parents’ mortgage and other weighty expenses. I was exceedingly thrilled about the prospect of finally being able to stand on my own little feet through a decent nine-to-five without even once having to bother with Marx, Durkheim, and all other persons I had to master to ensure satisfactory grades.

I hastily took a job at a well-known insurance company in California — which is presently becoming very lucrative for one of the largest corporations in the globe — to quickly start racking up income. It felt gratifyingly corporate the first few months, and I remember reveling in the wealth of insurance terminology I was being introduced to that made me sound so grownup, so able to thrive in the world outside my pricey college textbooks. It established for me a relatively much healthier bank account, and for a while, I could care less about anything else.

After sauntering through a multitude of calendar days bearing the perception that my embryonic adult life would always be as straightforward as that of a capitaloid android, I fell in love with the man now wearing a wedding band identical to mine, the priceless education we unearthed — and are continuously unearthing — together, and the complexities that ensued…the complexities that are taking up more and more space every day in the adult life that now floats on a brine of uncertainties far irresolvable by college degrees and financially nourishing paychecks and all those credentials. And each day that followed that series of life-changing falling-in-love episodes saw me struggling through tough roads laden with grossly unfamiliar familiarities that have not tired of attempting to get their fists on me and bring me back to my original form.

I think I still like being reminded of my college diploma sometimes. There climbs the self-esteem, there goes the feeling that within societal boundaries, I can put myself in the category of persons who have garnered success in at least one ordeal supposedly worth mentioning. Truth be told, however, the education that grabbed me after the 100+ college units — the education so many in the all too familiar world are afraid to touch — humbles that piece of paper every minute of the day, as it screams my failure so far to make something out of life that I can hark back upon with due pride and enthusiasm if I am to be placed in my deathbed tomorrow.

BUT!

I will go on the record and say that these two ruddy shoes are going to get somewhere when the time is right because I swear I will forever hate myself if I never get to take them there.

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One Response to “Credentials and Failures”

  1. pulangtala said

    You make me want to get ruddy two-shoes. Saga po pi!

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